Random Rant: A secret letter for them

Dear ummi and abi, my syurga,

I know that I am not a good daughter,

I might be rebellious during my old days, even now, maybe.

Sometimes, I might not treat you in the manner you deserve.

I might be less affectionate. 

Yes, I don't know how to show someone that I love them, even to my friends. 

That's why my circle is small. Since then until now.

Compared to adik, she has it all.

Better akhlaq, 

Better 'amal,

Better knowledge in Islam,

Better education, she's a doctor to be.

And she memorizes the Holy Quran, a Hafizah. 

That's the most precious part for us, right? Alhamdulillah.

But I believe in one thing,

A word called 'barakah',

In some topics, we have different perspectives and opinions since we are not from the same generation.

Agree to disagree. 

But when it comes to making decision for big things in my life, 

I will try to follow your perspective even though sometimes I'm against it.

Since then until now, I believe that all of my decisions that pleased both of you will bring barakah in my life. I might against the ideas, but Alhamdulillah, Allah will always ease my heart in every decision that I had made.

It started with high school,

You said that I shouldn't go to a boarding school,

You were afraid that when I was not under your care, I might go wild,

The first thing that you had noticed was that, I was not wearing tudung labuh to the class (even though the tudung that I wore at that time did not reveal my neck like most of the kids. Haha!)

So, I changed my school from SBP to SMK even though I was against the idea.

Then, it came to continuing my pre-uni,

Yknow, before SPM, I really wanted to pursue my studies in UITM for science foundation.

After SPM I got two offers, UITM Dengkil and matriculation program.

You said that Kelantan Matriculation is nearer to our home, compared to UITM Dengkil which is in Selangor.

Since both offers were science programs, I was okay with it.

So at last, I agreed to continue my studies in Kelantan Matriculation. 

Miraculously, Allah ease my heart to follow your advice.

Same goes to the moment when I pursue my Bachelor Degree and Masters.

And now, I have my own job, which is also the very big decision that I had put yours before mine.

I am pursuing my Master's Degree in translation, so I really have no idea why I got involved in education. That was not my plan at all. What I had in mind was to have my own translation business or get a 9-5 job as an editor or a translator at a company (which is obviously far from home).

But when Sir and Madam asked me if I was interested to continue their legacy, you said "Why not we buy it? We only have two daughters, adik will obviously need to be posted to a government hospital which we don't know where. So I would be happy if kakak stays in Kelantan and be with us." And I was like, "How can I handle it if I have no degree in teaching? Do I have to take double Masters or what?"

But, yes, again, miraculously, Allah ease all the processes to own the tuition center. I was able to go through hell and high water, with your support.

And when the JPN officer called me to suggest that I should be a government teacher instead of a tutor in a tuition center, I had politely declined it. I wouldn't know where I will be posted when I apply for it. Maybe in Sabah? Hahaha. So, I stood firm with my decision even though you asked me "Won't you regret it? You will be financially secured if you work for the government."

Nope. Maybe Allah had chosen me to take care of you guys. :)

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This precious called barakah is like a miracle in my life.

All of the decisions bring good things. 

My heart is at ease despite all the difficulties that I have to go through.

"Everything happens for a reason," they say. :)

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You see,

To be honest, I know that I'm not a good daughter, 

I'm also not a good person,

Still struggling with my ibadah,

Still struggling with my akhlaq,

Only Allah knows where I would belong to when I die.

But I hope,

With this very little deed of mine, 

Allah would forgive my sins, those that I had done intentionally or unintentionally.

Look at me with His Love, 

Bless me,

And reward me a home in Jannah. Aaminn. :)

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And may Allah bless our family too.

And gather us in Jannah. :)

#postedwithoutproofreading